Author: Bradley Kallas

A lot of emphasis seems to be placed on reality lately. Most of it in the form of “reality” TV. I never was a fan of reality TV shows. I don’t know about you, but I watch TV to escape reality. I have enough reality in my own life. I don’t want to sit down in front of the TV to take in more of it. I don’t know why there was this sudden backlash against fictional stories on television. Maybe they thought that if it was real it would make it more compelling. Well, that doesn’t seem to be the case for me.

What I really think is that it’s a real life soap opera. It’s a daytime drama, only now the characters are real live people. They aren’t these made-up fictional characters. Their lives are real and they have real stories that go along with it. But I don’t need to turn on the TV for that; I can just observe what’s going on at my own workplace. And given the opportunity, that’s not a show I would want to watch.

There’s something about being engaged in a story, but also knowing that it doesn’t carry the weight of reality with it. The story is fun and exciting and interesting, but it doesn’t have the stress of real consequences. Maybe people think they need that added stress of reality to make the story interesting to them. It kind of concerns me and makes me wonder if we’ve become so numbed by the fictional accounts that we can no longer allow our own curiosity and imagination to work. What’s wrong with a good old-fashioned fictional account?

The detractors might say, “Well, you’re only interested in escapism.” To which I respond, “Yes, exactly.” Why not escape from the stresses of everyday life for an hour or two? Why not give yourself a break from it after taking in a steady dose of it all day?
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Even the reality TV shows—there’s considerable doubt as to whether those are even real. In all honesty, I think this reality on TV is a kind of transmogrified mixture of reality and fiction. It’s neither one nor the other. No one quite knows what it is. It’s this kind of Frankenstein of television. If you were to ask a reality TV fan, “Do you think this is real?” They’d probably say, “Oh, no way.” “But isn’t this reality TV?” “Oh, yeah.” I’m confused.

Why not let the real things be real and let the fake things be fake. I think it’s when we start to mix the two that we get confused. If only we were more concerned with the kind of reality that matters. Maybe being more engaged in reality will keep us from wanting to engage in it on TV. Give yourself a break; watch an old-fashioned movie on TV. Maybe, even better; turn the TV off and go read a book.

…Let’s go deeper

The joining of efforts occupies a rare space in that it involves the removal of self from the equation. In a world where ‘the self’ remains predominate, it’s a special thing for someone to place that aside and consider the needs and wants of another before their own. What can explain this rare phenomenon? If we’re really just the result of time plus matter plus chance then how can we account for the caring of others? Sure, we can all agree that it’s love and concern and empathy, but what is the need for such things in this purely naturalistic world view that so much of the world seems to believe?

In the realm of a stark animalistic survival-of-the-fittest viewpoint, it seems that love would be something of an unexplained anomaly. There would really be no evolutionary need for love; for commitment…..maybe—for loyalty, even—but not love. It would be reasonable to conclude that this injection of love into the mix must be the result of some kind of outside intervention. Inherently, mankind has an emotional, and almost magnetic, bent towards self. To think that we would just arbitrarily put that aside without a new paradigm is a bit difficult to grasp. We may show care and concern if it didn’t cost us something, but doing it at our own expense is a bridge too far. It’s the act done for another that requests and expects no payment in return that can’t be explained. This is the new paradigm. This new paradigm is called love.

And the highest ideal: adopting someone else’s cares and concerns as your own—is the brightest example of this. It’s here that we suspend thoughts of self and place ourselves in the position of the other party. It’s here that the self dissipates as we discover it’s been taking up too much space for far too long. Certainly, this has been witnessed in the most extreme circumstances of battle and trauma. But it’s also witnessed on a daily basis in the mediocre lives of ordinary people. A married couple who stays together regardless of the tough times and, yet, their love grows deeper through these times. People giving out of what they have to those who, because of the result of disaster, now have nothing. These acts—these selfless acts—require a new mindset. No, they actually require a new heart.
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I’ve experienced this new paradigm in my own life. I’ve been the recipient and also the giver of it. And in both cases, it’s mind-boggling. I can’t wrap my head around it. And there’s a good reason for this. It’s not a logical concept. The naturalistic view has no explanation for this. For, without it, we might as well be the result of time plus matter plus chance. But with it, the value life holds is beyond measure. It’s not something that we created, but something we were created for. It’s a light that came in and pierced the darkness and now spreads throughout the world. And mostly, it pierced the darkness in our own hearts.

…Let’s go deeper

 

Do you know that there are times when a lack of resources aren’t the problem? Instead, the problem comes when there are enough resources available, but they are just being used in the wrong way. This is a classic problem. It’s really a matter of oversight rather than needing more money or supplies. This is why logistics become such an important part of operations in business, the military, government, and various aid organizations.

I see a glaring example of this in my own city. I discovered that a rather large chunk of our Department of Motor Vehicle funds go towards education—something like 60 percent. And that’s fine, I certainly have no problem with education. Kids need to learn. On the plus side, our public schools seem to be well-funded. But being that the DMV is an organization already geared towards the use of public roads, I just assumed most of that money was earmarked for road construction, bridges, etc. It seems like a natural progression to me that you would put a large portion of that money towards roads and infrastructure.

Also, this wouldn’t be such a point of contention with me if our streets weren’t in such a state of disrepair. My driving skills are daily put to the test in just maneuvering around potholes and pavement breaks which actually end up feeling more like speed bumps. We should have the best roads in the world. I mean, this is America in 2016, not Beirut circa 1985. I don’t know, maybe that’s their goal: to improve my driving skills. Their thinking is: “Anybody can drive on good roads. Lets’ see how well you fare on this obstacle course.”
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As important as education is, a solid infrastructure is not to be diminished in importance. I would suppose stellar schools start to lose their luster when you lack the proper roads in order to get there. I guess they could just convert the buses into some sort of all-track vehicle—kind of like a tank. Of course, the solution to one problem tends to present another. In all the clamor to emphasize one area of importance, another area gets neglected. Once again, balance becomes that ever-elusive goal to attain.

One thing useful for those at the wheels of power to remember: the Law of Diminishing Returns. There is a point where just adding more and more funds returns a very minimal benefit. As much as the intentions are good, it’s more practical and beneficial to commit the remaining resources elsewhere. Being practical doesn’t necessarily denote a lack of care or concern. It just means that you have the wisdom to know when to apply resources in the right place. Like a lot of things in life, there are trade-offs. You only have so much time, you only have so much money, and you only have so much attention to apply to things. Adding more to one area will cost you in another. It’s the wise person with proper judgment who has the advantage in knowing when enough is enough.

…Let’s go deeper

Sometimes the greatest roadblock to understanding is a failure to plainly lay out the facts. The assumption of understanding can prevent someone from ever understanding at all. People rail against ideas and beliefs that they never understood in the first place. This often happens when they never gained a firm grasp of it. Some people never care to understand, but for the ones who do care it can mean the difference between continuing on in ignorance and being enlightened by the truth.

I’ve discovered an important part of discussing contradicting ideas with other people: it’s important to find out if they’re only looking for evidence to support their own beliefs or if they’re really on an honest journey to discover the truth. Many of us have done it—we’ve made arguments at the expense of the facts because we felt the need to validate our own opinions. It takes a certain intellectual honesty to go into a debate considering the possibility that we might be wrong. Many times people go into a debate with this mindset: “Don’t confuse me with the facts, I know what I know.” When that’s the case, you know you’re fighting an uphill battle. It’s tough to get an idea across when the other person already has their mind made up. The honest wresting over ideas between two people is actually pretty rare.
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One thing that you often find, after digging through all the arguments someone has built up against the truth, is that—at the core of it—they are no longer making an intellectual argument. When you get past all the bluster and sophistry you find that it’s really an emotional argument. They have tied themselves so tightly to those ideas, emotionally, that it’s tough to unravel feelings from ideas. It’s not that they have left reason; they are just no longer interested in listening to reason. Their arguments are really just the outer wall of protection they’ve built up to defend their emotions. It’s understandable when you think about it; people hold deeply held convictions and they feel the need to defend them. The problem comes when convictions contradict truth.

But the fear of facing personal attacks can prevent us from plainly presenting the facts in the first place. We never get to a plainly spelled-out case because we’re too busy trying to defend against their verbal onslaught. This is where things can get difficult. You get off into side issues and rabbit trails that have nothing to do with the topic at hand. It takes a mental discipline to stay on topic and stay on the core issue. But if you can stay on topic, I believe it greatly increases your chances of getting through to the other person. If you can plainly present the facts in intelligible terms without getting distracted by someone else’s anger and vitriol, it might just break through. In ignoring their anger, you could be doing them the greatest service, because they might just see it and finally have that ‘Eureka’ moment.

…Let’s go deeper

A cynical person has a tendency to see things in a rather negative light. Maybe they think that they’re just being realists. They tell themselves they’re not cynical; they just don’t want to be phony. Or, they tell themselves they are just smart enough to see things as they really are. They are the erudite observers who can see through all the chicanery that they believe is inherent in everyone—or so they think. But even with the bad elements they may be able to pick out all around them, they might just miss seeing the ones in themselves and, in the process, they willingly miss seeing the best parts of others and themselves.

I’ve noticed one thing about cynics: they rarely seem to be happy. If you’ve ever been around a cynical person, you’ll quickly notice that joy and positivity seems to elude them. There’s a cloud hanging over them, and the cloud is self-induced. And, to be fair, people don’t become cynical for no reason. Somewhere along the way, what inevitably happens to everybody happens to them—life deals them a hard hand. These times can be a telling indicator of which direction our lives are going to take. Will we respond by looking for and hoping for the best, or will we allow that moment to define us and color our perspective from then on?

I have to admit, I’ve been prone to cynicism at times in my own life. It’s not something I’m proud of. But I am thankful because I was able to learn something from it. Cynicism is like a poison: it infects everything around it and it speaks death to whoever is willing to receive it. A cynical person isn’t one who has figured out life, but one who has refused to live it.

I think when we’re cynical we feel justified in our negative opinions about people because sometimes we happen to be right. In all honesty, I think a cynic is really just afraid—afraid that what happened to them before just might happen to them again. They’re afraid to open themselves up again only to see their hopes and dreams dashed on the shores of an uncertain future. They were caught flat-footed before and they won’t allow it to happen again. But it’s nothing to be ashamed of when we believe for good things and they don’t always happen. It’s nothing to be ashamed of to have a hopeful heart.
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In not hoping for the best for other people, it doesn’t allow any room for them to aspire to greater things. Sure, they can still achieve them, but you’re adding a weight to them that makes it that much harder. By your cynicism, you’re placing a limiter on their hopes and dreams—your own hopes and dreams. For, whatever you fail to hope for others, you’ll have difficulty in hoping for yourself. The prism through which we see the lives of others tends to color the light by which we see our own.

But something to remember: opening yourself to the possibilities is something courageous. And when you do it for others, you can do it for yourself. There’s a life to be had in that hopeful arena, and it happens when we strip the cynicism from our life.

…Let’s go deeper

How can you tell when something’s been approved? When it’s been signed. Yeah, that’s pretty much how the world works. We don’t work without signatures, we don’t move without signatures, and we don’t buy anything without signatures. Signatures are the means by which transactions are made—even if today it’s just an electronic signature—the deal doesn’t get done without a signature.

I don’t really understand what the big deal is. It’s just a signature. Somebody else could just as easily scribble something on it, and it would look just as good. That’s basically what a notary public does. Actually, theirs look better. They have these official looking stamps that look way better than my signature ever could. It doesn’t just make an ink mark on the paper; it makes a kind of mini-sculpture on the paper with an indelible mark that can’t be copied by hand. Plus, apparently, when they notarize something it’s official. But what do they do, really?

One time, after having a charge show on my credit card statement that wasn’t mine, I had to have an affidavit notarized, which was issued by the credit card company. So, I took it to a notary public. I thought, in my ignorance, there would be some kind of inquiry as to the meaning of this official form on which they had to leave their seal of approval. But to my surprise, there was little interest as to its meaning or purpose. I took it to the notary, even volunteering information about the reasons behind it, and it received a response something to the effect of, “Oh yeah, that stuff happens.”
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I found this puzzling. Doesn’t this individual who has to put his official mark on something want to at least know what he’s signing? I guess not. But it makes me wonder, “If he doesn’t care what he’s signing, then why does he have to sign it?” To me, the signature implies a level of interest in order to at least of approve of it. Without any interest in the subject, a signature is just a signature. It’s just a bunch of chicken scratching that might as well be signed by a chicken. Maybe they could just start using chickens as notary publics, then they wouldn’t have to bother people to do the work. Plus, it could save some chickens from their untimely demise. The free-range people would love that. It’s even better than free-range; it’s no range. As in, out of range of a machete? I don’t know.

Regardless, something should be done about us casting about our signatures as if they were confetti, because they become about as valuable as confetti when we do that. If we sign something, it should mean that it’s significant. Certainly, the President wouldn’t sign something that comes across his desk without knowing what it is. And one of the biggest reasons is because he knows his signature means something. There’s a weight behind that signature because it’s not one that you come by easily.

…Let’s go deeper

 

Every once in a while, someone comes across my path that has tastes or preferences that are entirely different from my own. But it doesn’t end there—their preferences, I would say, are different than, maybe, 95 percent of the rest of the world. I guess these are the times it’s tempting to believe that small percentage of people are wrong. It can make you think that because it’s not normative that it’s crazy. However, I may have to revise my thinking on that.

In things that don’t involve an area of wrong or right, it can be extremely easy to apply the same principles of discerning right vs. wrong. Some things are just a matter of taste, while others are a matter of discernment. But there are things that amaze me sometimes. For instance, I have come across—from time to time—a few people who don’t like movies. This one is a headscratcher to me. If someone tells me they don’t like movies, I just have to ask, “How can you not like movies?” It’s usually met with a shoulder shrug or some kind of sign of indifference. At this point, I feel like a truly rare event has occurred—like I just discovered a white unicorn. I want to say, “Hey everyone, come look at the strange zoo animal. It doesn’t like movies. Let’s study it to see what’s wrong with it.” (Of course, I don’t say that. I do have a mental filter.) But the shock and awe, on my part, really stem from the fact that I don’t understand their perspective. Certainly, they have their reasons for disliking movies, but I just don’t know what those reasons are.
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It’s very easy for me to impose my tastes and preferences onto others. It’s like saying that because I like something you have to like it too. We like feeling like we belong to a group, and when a large group of people agree with us on something we tend to think that it validates our own opinions. I think there’s an art to understanding other people. Part of that is leaving room for things you don’t understand. In reality, it’s pretty arrogant for me to just assume I understand other people’s thinking. It’s also shortsighted of me. There are as many different kinds of tastes and opinions as there are people. Even twins that look exactly alike aren’t exactly alike; sometimes they’re even exact opposites, personality-wise. If I have the courage and confidence to have my own opinions, then I need to have the courage and confidence to let other people have theirs.

Yeah, if you don’t agree with me, it doesn’t always mean that you’re wrong; I just might feel like you are. I suppose that’s my problem, and not yours. I probably need to place more value on people’s unique qualities. Maybe I just need to remember this quote by Winston Churchill: “If two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary.” I guess—now that I think about it—this quote makes me grateful that we are unique.

…Let’s go deeper

Have you ever been at a place of a significant height that kind of scared you? I can remember that being the case, especially when I was younger. When I was growing up, I was really afraid of heights. I’m still not crazy about them, but I’ve gotten a lot better. I’m sure if you’ve seen enough movies you can remember a scene where somebody was trying to scale a sheer cliff, a tall building, or even a tight rope. And the advice the learned professional in the story often gives is always the same. They’ll always say, “Don’t look down.”

I remember when I was really young, probably 4 or 5, and I was on a vacation with my family to Mt. Rushmore. It’s a memory that stands out—probably because I was so scared at the time. I was sitting with my Dad on the edge of a deck area with him holding me. It was a pretty long ways down from that ledge. That’s the part I didn’t like so much. To me, heights are for the birds—literally. I imagine that’s why birds aren’t so bothered by heights. 10 feet up or 5,000 feet up—it’s all the same to them. They have a backup plan: they’re called wings. Should they get knocked off from a ledge somehow—no big deal—just engage the wings. Must be comforting to have those.
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Of course, going back to that wise advice often given in movies (Don’t look down), what do they always do after someone tells them that?? Sure, they look down. I don’t know why they do that. I suppose it’s kind of like telling someone not to think about purple elephants. Naturally, they’re going to think about purple elephants because now they have that image stuck in their minds. But, this one seems like a no-brainer. The idiom, ‘out of sight, out of mind’, is pretty applicable here. You might be a long ways up, but it’s best if you don’t know exactly how far it is. Just act like you’re right on the ground. You can’t really worry about what you’re not aware of. Besides, once you start to worry about it, it distracts you from everything else.

I suppose that’s why we don’t often think of the alternative. It doesn’t naturally occur to us to look up. That’s how a mountain climber does it: they are constantly looking up so they can see where they’re going. Makes sense, doesn’t it? It’s not only that it helps them in navigating their path, but it keeps them from the alternative of getting distracting by that perilous space between them and the ground. I think the advice to ‘look up’ has been overlooked. In all those movies with someone at a ridiculous height, they should revise that statement to be, “Don’t look down, look up”.

…Let’s go deeper

Comments are interesting. I find them interesting, anyway. I like doing a lot of reading of online articles on a wide range of topics. One thing I find myself doing, once I’ve read the article, is to read the comments different readers have left at the bottom of the write-up. Sometimes I don’t even read the article; I just skip right to the comments section. As funny as it sounds, I feel I can often get more useful information from the readers than I can from the so-called expert on a topic.

Something about comments makes them more intriguing than a well-polished article. I think it’s the feeling that you’re getting an unvarnished opinion from someone rather than the opinion of someone who is paid to have an opinion, one way or another. You’re naturally less trusting of someone who may be influenced by something other than the mere need to be forthright. I suppose the same goes for user reviews on different products. I like reading those, too. If I do any amount of research on something before I buy, it usually involves reading the reviews of current customers. These people don’t pull punches. If they don’t like something, they’ll let you know.

Of course, the downside to all this is that some of the comments and reviews are a little more colorful than I would like. They aren’t edited by a copy editor who has to screen it for unsavory content before it goes to press. It’s raw and unfiltered. I suppose that’s the trade-off: you can either have a polished biased opinion, or you can have an opinion from a disinterested third-party that’s a bit rough around the edges. That’s not to say all articles are biased, it’s just that it’s hard to know whether they’re completely unbiased. The simple truth is, a person can easily begin to think they like something if someone pays them to like it—or not like it.
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And I don’t just read these to get recommendations from people. I also read them in order to get the pulse of the people—to get a feel for what the public thinks about something. It’s kind of like watching an un-officiated debate. Each side puts forth their best arguments and you can weigh both sides to judge which one you feel is most accurate. Some of these get pretty heated, of course. People get passionately involved in things they really believe in. But I suppose that’s why I value these comments so much: they are heartfelt beliefs of those individuals and not a political stump speech that’s been run through a focus group.

The tough part about getting opinions is that it’s difficult to find any that aren’t influenced by something. Even your own family and friends—they want the best for you—but they might hold back over concern for hurting your feelings. To get a full-on no-holds-barred opinion from someone may be a rare find, but when you do find it, it may be the most valuable opinion there is.

…Let’s go deeper

Of all the powers we possess, restraint is probably the most underserved. At first glance—you mention restraint as a power—people think, “What kind of power is that? It’s just you exercising the right to do nothing.” True. However, sometimes the decision to do nothing is the hardest decision to make. To hold back when we’ve been legitimately wronged can be a more telling exhibition of power than anything else.

I’ve often wondered how some people can hold back in the face of the most egregious offenses. I have to admit, I don’t naturally possess the patience of an individual who just overlooks things and lets it go like water off a duck’s back; I tend to take things personally. But, to be fair, I don’t know how else to take things. Isn’t everything personal, when it comes right down to it? People often say things like, “It’s nothing personal, it’s just business.” I mean, does a person then go home to his wife and say, “Yeah, my main competitor didn’t come right out and say it, but basically said as much—that he would be taking all my customers away from me. But he did say that it wasn’t personal. So, that’s comforting. I won’t be able to provide for you and the kids anymore, but as long as it’s not personal—that should help me sleep better at night.”

I think the whole point is that these things are personal. That’s because emotions are always involved in virtually every situation. Of course, hurt feelings are inevitable. It’s going to happen where we don’t always like how we came out at the end of a deal. The most frustrating times are when the other party doesn’t seem to care. Considering the other person’s feelings, I would say, is a part of business ethics—a class, maybe, some entrepreneurs slept through in college. Believe it or not, a person doesn’t have to be cutthroat to be in business. You can be savvy without being sly, you can be shrewd without being sneaky, and you can be firm without being cold, or callous. It seems that some people, with all their training and head knowledge, forget that at the end of the day, they’re still dealing with people. Business is really about people when you think about it. If we don’t factor in the concerns of the other person, then what are we—robots?
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It’s times where we receive the greatest slights that can require the greatest amount of restraint. It would be the easiest thing in the world to just rip into somebody and let them have it. Besides not being the morally pure option, there are some other things to consider. For instance, you may need to deal with this other person again someday. Burning bridges means just that—you’ve burnt the relationship so bad that there’s no possibility for reconciliation. It’s also important to consider how blowing your stack will reflect on you as a person. It’s certainly not the way to garner respect. But I would guess that just the opposite is true. If people see you contain yourself in the midst of a proverbial slap in the face, they will take notice, and their respect is exactly what you’ll have—that’s the power of restraint.

…Let’s go deeper