Author: Bradley Kallas

I understand how tempting it can be to carry the world’s problems around with you. This is often referred to as ‘carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders’, which if you were to visualize it, is pretty absurd. If you think about someone literally carrying the world on their shoulders, it’s about as feasible as trying to solve all of the world’s problems on your own. In reality, we struggle to even solve all our own problems by ourselves.

This is one problem I can identify with. I have traditionally been known to take life too seriously. But while you recognize the world has its problems, you don’t allow them to bring you down. There’s always something bad happening somewhere. We just have to focus on the good we can do in our own little way. If you are constantly thinking about the things you can’t control, it ends up making you feel powerless.

I don’t know what it is that makes us feel we have to do this. In some ways, it tells us that we don’t know our own limits. In other ways it can be an indicator of empathy out-of-control. For someone prone to this type of thinking, it can make watching the nightly news a grueling task. Of course, news isn’t news unless it’s bad. Watching a never-ending reel of negative stories is hard on a person’s psyche if that’s the case.
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I think where our responsibilities lie is most important to remember. We aren’t responsible for the entire world, we’re just responsible for our own little world. Depression is often a result of feeling a lack of control. That’s why a person who thinks only about these things ends up depressed. There’s a sense of hopelessness that inevitably permeates your soul. And when you’ve lost hope, you’ve lost your will to fight. It punches you in the gut and you wonder if you can get back up, or even want to. The problem is this constant flow of negativity becomes the focus to such a degree that any positives are lost in the melee. It’s really not a balanced view of things. Some of it is black-or-white thinking, some of it is focusing on the negatives at the expense of the positives.

Sometimes you have to be shaken out of this stupor by some outside force. Usually we just have to wake ourselves up out of it. It just takes realizing that the glass isn’t always half empty. It’s just as often half full. Some people may think of you as a negative-Nelly. But they don’t realize that it’s not that you’re trying to be. You’re just having trouble taking your eyes off the train-wreck. But if you’ll just look up, you’ll see that in the midst of it all the sun is still shining. It’s not all doom and gloom. So, it’s time to lighten up. It’s time to drop that globe on the ground.

…Let’s go deeper

Have you ever been in conversation with someone and you feel like they’re just not understanding you? I mean, for the lack of understanding going on you would think that you were both speaking foreign languages. That’s how conversation can be sometimes. That’s when it gets frustrating. When you communicate with people you want them to understand what you’re saying, even if they don’t necessarily agree with you.

Sometimes articulating your ideas is more of an art than a science. There’s not necessarily a logical way to convey your ideas. Maybe you have to get the other person to feel what you’re feeling in order for there to be an understanding. This is probably where communication breakdown sometimes takes place in marriage. Men are often appealing to a woman’s logic when all she really wants to know is what he’s feeling. A man can be making all the right arguments on the basis of logic, but it doesn’t matter because he’s entirely missed the point. She doesn’t really care. He’s telling her what he thinks about it, but the main point of the discussion is how she feels about it. So, in that sense, they can be actually speaking different languages. He’s speaking Chinese while she’s speaking French. No wonder there’s frustration.

And we all come from different backgrounds and have different perspectives. That’s probably where the convergence on an idea is often missed. We often assume other people see things the same way we do. But they don’t always. And a lot of that has to do with our background. Our history has a way of coloring our thought processes and our observance of things. It can sometimes take an awareness of this in order to see things as they really are. The idea that someone might have a valid point may not occur to us until we take off our ‘whatever’ colored glasses.
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And sometimes just thinking differently is where the divergence takes place. We don’t all think alike, as much as we would like to think we do. The way our synapses fire don’t necessarily mimic that of someone else. In fact, they’re each entirely unique to that person. Kind of like fingerprints. I suppose that’s why PowerPoint presentations are so popular. A PowerPoint is just a graphical representation of your own ideas. Conveying those ideas in a visual sense can be a powerful way to bring understanding. In a way, I guess you literally get everyone ‘on the same page’.

When I talk to people my goal isn’t just to be making a bunch of noise. I’m actually trying to convey an idea or thought process, so as to bring something novel or new to the table. A person’s understanding of that can depend on any of these several barriers to communication. But understanding those barriers can be a key component in being understood by the other person. Because the bottom line is: if they’re not understanding you, then you’re not communicating.

…Let’s go deeper

In thinking about budgeting your money, I was thinking about how to do that in the most practical way. It seems we cringe at the thought of the budget because of the restrictions it places on us. We don’t like those restrictions. We want to be free to do whatever. But I thought, “What if, within the constraints of that budget, I allowed a large degree of flexibility? Would that make the budget more palatable?”

The idea of a budget is anathema to most people. Unless one is forced to do a budget, they don’t generally volunteer for it. It’s like volunteering to put yourself in prison. No one does that. But that’s before thinking about the value of living within those boundaries. Purposely living on a limited means allows you to have money left over at the end of the month. That’s when you truly notice the value of it. Now you have money left over for savings, investment, or—dare I say it—fun stuff.

But the flexibility I was thinking about was to allow flexibility for how you spend that money. So, you’re just putting limits on the amount spent, but not on how you spend it. This can have a positive psychological effect just because you don’t feel so hemmed in. Sometimes when we give ourselves limits they’re so restrictive that they’re hard to even follow. Like if I say, “I can only spend this much per month and I can only spend it on practical things.” That makes us naturally want to rebel. We think about all the things we have to miss out on and end up feeling all dejected.
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In my personal life, I have endeavored to only budget my spending on food. That’s because I’ve noticed the most wasteful spending happening there. However, I’ve notice that if I restrict both my spending, and how I spend it, I’m not as likely to follow it. So instead of telling myself that I can only spend so much on food per month and I can’t eat out any more, I say I can only spend so much on food per month but I can spend it however I want. I can eat out as much as I want, or eat in as much as I want, but I still have to stay within that budget. This gives me a little bit of the flexibility I’m looking for, if even just psychologically.

Sometimes we go overboard in our discipline. Then the discipline only seems like discipline, or something that is trying to kill our fun, and it doesn’t appear to be anything of value. But if you give yourself some freedom, you find that’s where the true freedom is. Those constraints are there for your benefit. But you can also have fun within those constraints. That makes it more feasible. And it’s also not so scary. Sometimes we get more restrictive than we need to be and we end up scaring ourselves.

…Let’s go deeper

I have a compelling question for you: Would you rather be rich and ignorant, or poor and educated? If those were your only two options in life, which would you choose? I was thinking about this question the other day and I found it interesting to mull over the possibilities of both scenarios. It seems like an easy one to answer at first. But is it really?

On one hand, a person figures that if they were already rich they wouldn’t have to worry about getting an education. One usually concludes that gaining an education is for the purposes of obtaining a higher income level. That’s how I usually saw it. At least when I was younger I did. A person easily concludes that money will solve all of their problems. I have to confess, in my teen years I probably would have leaned more towards the former than the latter. But the more I thought about it, the more I concluded what a sad existence it would be to have all my worldly wants and needs provided for but not know anything about that world in which I live. While you might be rich in possessions, you would lack the ability to live a truly rich life.

Of all the things I learned in school, the things I have learned to appreciate more are the things that I thought I would never use. Those things that I saw as a waste of time then, I don’t see as such waste now. You might conclude: “Oh, you learned later on in life that you needed them after all.” No, actually that’s not the case. In some things, sure. But mostly, I have learned to appreciate the things that I never had to use at all. Why would that be, you ask? Well, I see value in those things because, even though I may never use them, at least I know something about them. When someone mentions accounting, or accounting is referenced, I know what they are talking about because I have taken accounting class. When the subject of statistics is referenced, I at least know what’s involved. When someone compares a modern-day event to a point-in-time in history, I can understand the correlation because I took a history class. Subjects you may never use can actually be used to understand the world better. And subjects you never use can be used to understand the subjects you do use.
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I’ve learned to see life as a big picture puzzle. And every one of these things I learn can be a piece to that puzzle that make that big picture more understandable. Because the more you know, the more you understand. I’ve learned understanding is key in life. If I have everything, but understand nothing, then what good is it? So, I guess now I would say, maybe poor and educated wouldn’t be so bad.

…Let’s go deeper

One of the things I often miss in the daily struggles and trials is that—no matter how much I hate to admit it—life is supposed to be kind of difficult. There are no easy, breezy routes to excellence. Excellence takes effort, and fight, and perseverance. If life were easy, we wouldn’t have to fight for anything.

The things we learn through fighting to the end are really invaluable lessons. We may not like the process, but the outcomes we wouldn’t want to go without. I may have a tendency to complain whenever I’m met with difficulty. Even the slightest amount of inconvenience can cause one to grumble in frustration. Someone who impedes your progress just a bit may become the focus of your frustration. Someone opposed to your ideas and is unwilling or unable to see the sheer “brilliance” of it becomes your mortal enemy. Others who just don’t see things the same way, or think the way you do can further provoke your ire. For one thing, on this point, it’s important to remember that just because someone else thinks differently doesn’t necessarily make them wrong. Although, I admit that’s sometimes the easiest conclusion to come to. Being open to other’s ideas can sometimes be a difficult thing. You easily become married to your own ideas. But when you open yourself to something from the outside it can be useful information.

Getting back to the struggles of life—the results of the fights we engage in shouldn’t be easily dismissed. We gain perspective from the little fights we win, also the ones we lose. We learn patience, and mental toughness, and a building of your character that couldn’t happen any other way. Regardless, the end result should be that you come out on the other side of these things better than you went in. We can become better if we allow the tides of struggle to wear away our rough edges. But I think it’s important to become conscious of the process. If we become conscious of the process then we become open to it. If you become open to it then you will allow it to change you for the better.
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There’s also one other factor to consider. We can learn from our fights whether we win or lose. In that sense, it’s a win-win. Knowing this should help when we’re going through these things. It gives you more of a big picture view. And though we lose a few, we also get the satisfaction of winning a few. We have that gratification that comes with enduring to the end, and accomplishing a goal, in spite of the obstacles presented along the way. That’s always a good feeling. Having a bigger perspective on difficulties can bring understanding. We don’t just go through things without a reason. We can allow them to change us for the better, but it’s how we respond to the process that allows that to happen.

…Let’s go deeper

Strength is strength, but having it right when you need it is a valuable thing. Having it on tap in case you need it is a comforting thing. That’s kind of what adrenaline is, I guess. It’s your own personal reserve of power. It’s like a Nitrous Oxide system on a street racer’s car. If you’ve ever seen any of the Fast and Furious movies, you’ll remember that sometimes the key to winning the race was kicking in the Nitrous at just the right time. Each one is trying to beat the other, but if they realize they don’t have enough power…no problem…they just kick in the reserve power to give them that extra kick. The gas kicks in and the driver gets thrown back in their seat as they pass the other guy like he’s standing still. Of course, it’s a little more dramatic in the movies. I’ve never had the opportunity to try it in real life. So, I don’t know what it’s really like.

The same goes for professional athletes, especially triathletes. A lot of times you will hear about them eating a bunch of carbohydrates the night before a big race so they have the energy for the next day. But again, it’s about the timing. If they eat the carbs too early, or too late, it doesn’t do them any good. So, what good is all that extra energy if you don’t have it when you need it? It’s the timing.
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Excess energy, improperly applied, is not of any benefit. Also, insufficient energy with no reserve to tap into changes your approach to things. I’ve noticed this when I’ve been sick. You attempt everything, and you plan everything, knowing that you don’t have that reserve energy to count on. You don’t want to do too much today because then you won’t have enough strength for tomorrow. You don’t attack things with an energy and fervor that you normally would. For whatever energy you use now, you’re going to pay the price later. When you feel good you don’t worry about it. You know that reserve energy is always there, so you just go at it full speed ahead.

But mostly, it’s not just having that reserve energy available, it’s knowing you have that reserve energy available that makes the difference. I’ve noticed this being the difference with myself. If I know I have more than enough strength, it gives me the confidence to attack energy-sucking tasks without giving it a second thought. I can attack life thinking, “Bring it on life. I can take anything you can throw at me.” This is especially true when you’re younger. You had so much energy that you didn’t know what to do with it all. But you find that it’s not just having that energy, it’s that knowledge that it’s there if I need it that is the difference-maker.

…Let’s go deeper

It’s hard to make sense of the mixture of good and bad we see every day. You wonder how it all works together. And it can get confusing at times. We wonder why the good happens to bad people, and why the bad happens to good people. It seems indiscriminate—Like rain falling from the sky, it falls on everybody. It messes with our sense of justice. And it can be easy to end up thinking, “This doesn’t make any sense.”

What’s apparent to me is that the evil present in the world has an effect on everybody. No one can completely duck out of its way. You can’t run between the raindrops. I think that explains a lot of the reason for the bad that happens to everybody. The rain doesn’t know who it’s falling on, nor does it care.

The same can explain the broad effects of the good influences in the world. People who live under the leadership of a good and moral leadership feel the effects of that leadership. Those positives from the top flow down to everyone below. Even the bad people in that community will benefit from that kind of leadership being in authority. It’s as indiscriminate as the rain.

I guess that’s why it’s so confusing—because this world isn’t really as things should be. We each know this deep down inside, and that’s why it just doesn’t sit quite right with us. This mixture of good and evil together is really a rare occurrence in the grand scheme of things, and in the light of eternity. For this brief moment—this space/time continuum—these things all run together, and the wheat gets separated from the chaff in the end.
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So, looking at this scenario from the inside becomes really confusing, but when you look at it from the outside and get a bird’s eye perspective it begins to make sense. You have to know this isn’t the way things were meant to be in order to make sense of it. Your worldview matters. You can live a good life and be a recipient of the blessings of living that way in this life. But that still doesn’t immunize us from the bad. The rain still falls on us.

Some justice will happen now, but complete justice won’t happen in this life. Knowing the circumstances helps us to appreciate the good. It helps us to make an extra effort to dispel the bad. It makes standing for good ‘now’ all the more important. For ‘now’ is when good is needed the most.

It makes you think, “Is there some good cause I can stand for now? Is there some difference I can make for good now?” I can make a difference in my little world right now. I can help in my own little way to illuminate the good, and thereby, dispel the bad.

…Let’s go deeper

 

Have you ever thought about this? Everyone makes sense to themselves. Regardless of whether they make sense to anyone else, they make sense to themselves. People’s ideas and views about things are justified somehow to themselves. And, unfortunately, that’s all the justification most people need to hold their views and opinions.

What we see happening in the world today is a divergence of so many opinions that we feel we have to accept them all as valid. But holding these views up to the light of any kind of standard is rarely done any more. If that’s the case, every person in an insane asylum has just as legitimate ideas as the next, everyone in a tinfoil hat has theories that are perfectly legit, and holding to that kind of standard we could even come to the conclusion that Professional Wrestling is real. See, even a crazy person makes sense to the crazy person. They’re not crazy to themselves, they’re just crazy to everyone else. But the real reason they’re crazy is because their ideas don’t reflect reality, and they don’t hold up to a universal standard that applies to everybody.

That’s the problem with relativism—there’s no standard. It’s all relative. I think the absurdity of this mindset becomes more apparent the deeper you delve into it. How can every idea be just as legit as the next, especially where there are two contradicting ideas? Much of the time we don’t examine the belief systems we have adopted as being true. It just seems to make sense on the surface. Here’s what actually happens on rare occasion: People actually examine their ideas according to a standard instead of what just sounds good to them. I wonder why people don’t do this more often. I think one reason is because it’s a lot easier to just create your own reality than live according to the reality that already exists. Creating your own reality doesn’t require you to change because you can just change the rules. Accepting the reality that exists requires you to change—that takes courage. We tend to run from anything that requires change from us. We live in a lot of denial. The danger with denial is that it hurts us the most.
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The answer to this is being willing to examine ourselves to see how we measure up against reality. If we can have the courage to examine ourselves, then maybe we can have the courage to make the changes. Also, if someone points out a fault to us, we need to have the capacity to ask if they might have a legitimate point. If we can have the humility to see our own faults, we can have the courage to make the changes we need. Then we won’t just make sense to ourselves, but we will just make sense.

…Let’s go deeper

I was watching a YouTube video of a U. S. Senator speaking in front of the Senate addressing an important issue that is of importance to the Country, and the American people in general. It was about an hour long. I’ll admit, it wasn’t the most riveting footage I’ve ever seen. However, I believe it was important to watch it. It enlightened me on a lot of different things, even besides the issues he was addressing in the Senate.

As I watched this video there were a number of things that came to my attention. One glaringly obvious thing was how this Senator’s speech was met with such wholesale indifference. There were a number of times where this speaker had to call for the President of the Senate to call for order in the chamber, due to the lack of attention or chatter among members. If the subject of this speech were of minor importance, or a matter of such trivial value, this would merely be seen as rude. But given the gravity of the matter, I would not only call it rude, but I would call it obtuse, and even willfully ignorant. To view a matter that affects every citizen of a nation with such blitheness, especially by the leaders of that nation, is astounding to me. As I watched this video I actually felt sorry for this Senate member. I also felt sorry for our Country as a whole. What have we become when we are now so blind that we can’t even recognize the pressing issues of the day, much less address them?

I was also thankful for this one lone voice in the wilderness. We need these kinds of people in our leadership. We already have so many members of our government who are there mostly for their own personal political ambition. They don’t exist to serve the people. They exist to serve themselves. That’s the difference between a politician and a statesmen. The term ‘politician’ has even become a derogatory one. Some may even start out with the right intentions, but they get sucked in by the power, and eventually become a part of a system that they used to despise. A statesmen, however, is willing to stand and represent the people’s interest, and to even do it at his own expense. He doesn’t waver, no matter how great the pressure. These are the ones who are able to bring positive change, or to preserve what doesn’t need to be changed.
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Going with the flow is easy. Going against it is difficult. Standing firm is something to be admired when it’s done for the right reasons. It takes courage, and strength of character, and a resoluteness in order to do that. People who aren’t this can’t do this. You have to actually be this in order to do this. In other words, they can’t fake it. They do this because they are this. You can tell the ones who are for real, who actually believe what they’re saying, and who have the strength of character to stand for it—these are the statesmen.

…Let’s go deeper

 

I would venture to guess some of us don’t know the answer to this question until we face some kind of adversity in our life. That’s when the true test of our character comes. In my observation, different people are made of different things. And some people are stronger in some areas than others.

I’ve found that, for myself, I didn’t know the answer to this question until I had to go through hard times. Actually, not only did I not know the answer to the question, I hadn’t really even asked myself the question. Maybe I didn’t really want to know. Well, I think what it was is that I didn’t want to go through what I needed to in order to find out. It’s that testing that’s difficult. Believing you know what you are is one thing, but finding out through trial by fire is something else. The thought process is: I believe I know what I know, but I’d rather not go through the process to find out. It’s kind of like taking a test in school. You may know the material front and back, but if you are never tested on it, you will never know. The testing of that knowledge is never fun. But it’s through the testing that you get an accurate picture of yourself.

I’ve found that believing you know something is much different than actually knowing something. I can say, for instance, that I need to persevere, and I need to be persistent, and that I need to use all the tools at my disposal—and I can agree with every one of those things. But when it really comes down to having to do those things, it’s a different matter. I can know in my head that all those things are true, but only when I have to actually put them into practice do I find out whether I really believe them. The extent of your belief only reaches to the point of your action. That’s what I’ve discovered. You truly believe what you do. That’s why everyone is really only living what they really believe. Some are living a life way below their potential, and there’s really only one reason they’re living at that level—that’s all they really believe they are capable of. They don’t believe they can achieve anything more than where they are. Yet, if you ask some of them: “Do you believe you can do better than you are doing right now?…many would say, “Yes.” I could just as quickly respond, “No, you don’t. Because if you did, you would be doing it.”
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Coming to this realization can totally change your outlook on life. Are there limits to your potential? Sure. There are certain things we can’t do. But why not worry about your limits when you actually get there? When you’ve reached your limits, that’s a good thing. Until then, your job is to ask yourself this one question: “What are you made of?’

…Let’s go deeper