Have you ever had someone give you a compliment? Yeah, me to. Have you ever wondered if it was real? Yeah, me too. The thing is it’s sometimes hard to tell. I mean, you could just come out and ask them. That would be weird, though.
So, how do we tell if someone is complimenting us or if they’re just flattering us. Well, it can be difficult to tell whether someone else is complimenting us or not. Maybe a better question is whether we are complimenting someone else or just flattering them. I think there are some important things we can look for to determine whether or not we’re being for real.
Sometimes a person may give a compliment because they have something to gain. This would actually be called flattery. I guess we can sometimes tell when people are doing this to us. Sometimes it can depend on who it comes from as well. If you trust the person and their motives then you are less likely to see it as flattery from them. Other people you may be more suspect in your mind. You may get a compliment from them and think, “OK, what do you want?” Sometimes we get compliments from a stranger and it’s more of a challenge. Most times, though, strangers are just being cordial.
So, sometimes we’re just being cordial with people. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that as long as we mean the compliment. Saying something kind to someone can help promote a collegial environment among a group. This is usually a good thing. It’s easier to work with people when you are getting along. It provides for a more productive environment, whether at work or with family and friends.
Sometimes we may just give a compliment because we’re in an awkward environment and we’re just trying to make conversation. This isn’t necessarily bad either as long as we mean it. Sometimes it can be difficult if we’re at an event and don’t know anyone or know what to say. This probably happens frequently. These are small talk type conversations. Something I learned about small talk, though, is that it can be a doorway into people’s lives. So, small talk can be a good thing.
Probably one of the most difficult compliments someone can give is if it involves them having to admit they were wrong. For example, if after an argument, someone has to admit they were wrong they may also have to admit that the other person had a good point. These, I think, we can generally know are for real. The reason being is that it’s usually pretty difficult for us to admit when we’re wrong.
I guess the hallmark of a genuine compliment is that it’s a gift and wants nothing in return. So, it’s like giving someone a gift at Christmas. You’re just saying to them, “Here, I want you to have this just because I want you to enjoy it.”
There are actually quite a few verses on flattery in the Bible. Proverbs 29:5 says, “A man that flattereth his neighbour spreadeth a net for his feet.” I think this is kind of similar to what I was talking about. Often times a flatterer is setting a trap for the other person. That trap usually involves something they want from them.
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Here’s a couple verses from Job. Job 32:21 says, “Let me not, I pray you, accept any man’s person, neither let me give flattering titles unto man. For I know not to give flattering titles; [in so doing] my maker would soon take me away.” I think Job desired to have a pure heart. He wanted not only to be genuine before God but before people. The more we honor and fear God, the more we will be respectful of other people. It’s just a natural outgrowth of from our relationship with God.
So, what do we do instead of flatter? Well, we should be building each other up instead. 1Thessalonians 5:11 says, “Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.” And also in Ephesians 4:29 it says, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” We should be mainly concerned with building each other up. A true compliment builds someone up. Flattery is like giving someone a rotten apple. It may look good on the outside but it just doesn’t taste right.
I think a genuine compliment doesn’t have to be just a word of praise about how they look or what they’ve done. It can be just an encouraging word like it says in Ephesians 4:29, ‘edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers’. If someone else is down, just giving them a scripture to hold on to, or just letting them know they can make it can be very beneficial. We are there to encourage one another and build each other up. So, we need to be genuine encouragers. Many times the simplest things we say can impact someone else’s life. Which is why we need to be especially careful of what we say. We need to make sure we’re saying things that build up and not tear down. Someone may be looking to us today to encourage them. We just need to be ready to give it.
Proverbs 29:5 says, “A man that flattereth his neighbour spreadeth a net for his feet.”
Job 32:21 says, “Let me not, I pray you, accept any man’s person, neither let me give flattering titles unto man. For I know not to give flattering titles; [in so doing] my maker would soon take me away.”
Ephesians 4:29 it says, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”