Alone isn’t necessarily ‘lonely’

Loneliness is something we’ve all felt from time to time. It’s nothing foreign to anyone who’s a member of the human race. The general consensus is that being alone isn’t good. I suppose that’s mostly true. However, I think we sometimes get the two terms confused, and maybe ‘alone’ isn’t as bad as we think it is.

There are times I can say that I’ve felt more alone in a crowd than I ever would have felt by myself. There are always those awkward social moments where you’re in a crowd, and it’s with a bunch of people you don’t know. Those weddings where the only people you know are the bride and groom. That can make you feel lonely. And, in those instances, you would sometimes rather just be by yourself. Other situations present themselves where you just don’t feel like you’re connecting with a certain crowd of people. You can be with an entire group of people, but that doesn’t mean that you feel like those people understand you. If you’re an artist, you might not feel at home with a roomful of physicists. So being ‘lonely’ and being ‘alone’ don’t always go together, but can sometimes be exclusive of one another. Someone can be lonely and not be alone; someone can be alone and not be lonely. Both can be equally true.
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But I think there’s a deeper meaning at play. In our society today, it seems almost as if people are afraid to be alone. There’s a constant need to be around people. But I don’t think being alone is what they are afraid of. I think it’s being alone with themselves that scares them. It’s the being alone with their own thoughts, ideas, and feelings that pushes them into the crowd. They reject being alone out of fear of figuring out who they are as a person. Maybe they are afraid of what they will find out about themselves. Or, maybe they are afraid of putting in the effort of working on themselves. It could just be fear of the unknown. But something pushes us to be around people, sometimes, for unhealthy reasons. Whatever that reason is, only we can know it ourselves. We might actually have to spend some time alone in order to figure out why we don’t want to be alone. How Ironic.

Of course, there’s a balance here. Being alone too much is just as unhealthy. However, with the bad press that being alone gets, the value of being alone gets overlooked. I believe we are truly the most comfortable around people when we are at first comfortable with ourselves. When we have figured out how to be alone, then maybe we can figure out how to be around others. Once we are good at doing both, it might have a tendency to dispel that ‘lonely’ feeling. When we’re good at knowing ourselves, we can be better at connecting with others. And whether we’re in a crowd, or by ourselves, we don’t have to feel ‘lonely’.

…Let’s go deeper