I heard about a book that came out a few years ago. It’s called ‘The Surrendered Wife’. I had never heard of it until now. It talks about the role of wives in marriage.
In this book the author, Laura Doyle, talks about her own experience in her marriage. Here’s an excerpt from the synopsis of the book:
“Like millions of women, Laura Doyle wanted her marriage to be better. But when she tried to get her husband to be more romantic, helpful, and ambitious, he withdrew—and she was lonely and exhausted from controlling everything. Desperate to be in love with her man again, she decided to stop telling him what to do and how to do it. When Doyle surrendered control, something magical happened. The union she had always dreamed of appeared. The man who had wooed her was back.”
This excerpt explains her own experiences. I understand in today’s culture this wouldn’t go over well with a lot of women. To them, the idea of submitting in a marriage would go over like a lead balloon. Our culture has changed so much from the idea of traditional marriage. Many men end up taking a back seat in the relationship. I think some women take offense to the idea of submission. But, should they? Or, is it maybe something to be considered? Some women see it as a matter of equality. But I see it more as a matter of playing the right roles. Just like a basketball team has role players. Someone has to lead, someone has to be the three-point shooter, and someone has to play center under the basket, etc. If everyone tries to lead, then there’s not going to be a whole lot of harmony. Here’s another excerpt of a comment one woman wrote about the book:
“What this book taught me is that, to create greater intimacy in a marriage, you need to surrender control of things and give some of that back to your husband. It doesn’t mean that you lose control altogether… in actuality, you really gain freedom, because you are not responsible for everything and anything. The book teaches you how to take care of yourself FIRST, to allow your husband to manage things such as the finances (this is hard to reliquish control of, but the freedom you get in return is priceless!), to allow him to have greater responsibility of the children, to take more control of household duties, etc., etc. – basically all the things you’re always nagging him about! Surrendering these things lets your husband know you trust him, lets him know that you have confidence in him. Because he knows this, he is secure with himself, and more likely to take more responsibility… More than that, his happiness leads to your happiness… which leads to greater intimacy!”
After reading that, maybe it’s not such a strange idea. I mean, it’s hard to argue with results, right? From the few other comments I glanced at, it seems many other women felt the same way after reading it. Even though it may run counter to a lot of our natural thinking, maybe this idea isn’t such a foreign concept.
While pondering this topic, I found myself relating it to God and our relationship to Him. And while the wife submitting to the husband is a Biblical concept, I thought about exploring the correlation of that with our surrender to God. We seem to want to take control of things many times, when actually He is supposed to be the one leading and directing our lives. So, like these women who realized the joy and freedom in surrendering to their husbands, we each can find greater joy and freedom in our surrender to God.
AV James 4:7: “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” The first thing we need to remember is that, in order to have any victory in our lives, we need to be submitted to God. Our ability to fight the enemy starts by us submitting to God. We can’t have any assurance of victory in our lives without God. But when we do submit, and resist the enemy, we are assured of victory.
AV Proverbs 16:9: “A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.” Even though we makes plans every day, we need to be submitting those plans to God and His authority. Allow for the possibility for Him to change those plans. Sometimes we may have everything perfectly planned out, but God may have different plans. And through whatever means He ends up steering us in a different direction.
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AV John 14:15: “If ye love me, keep my commandments.” Submission is also an act of love. We willingly submit to God because we love Him. This is one of the expressions of our love. We realize all that He has done for us. So, in return that makes us want to be pleasing to Him. We live our lives in such a way that lines up with His word and reflects His character.
AV Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” This gives us another good reason for our surrender. God has only the best in mind for us. We may not always see it from our limited perspective. But He has a high-level view of everything. He wants to work us towards a positive end. But that only happens as we surrender to Him. Making His authority our priority will only work for our good.
AV James 4:7: “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
AV Proverbs 16:9: “A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.”
AV Isaiah 55:8: “For my thoughts [are] not your thoughts, neither [are] your ways my ways, saith the LORD.”
AV John 14:15: “If ye love me, keep my commandments.”
AV Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”