We generally like to get along with people if at all possible. And that’s what we should do. There are times, however, when a situation may require a confrontation which can be uncomfortable. These are times we would like to avoid rather than to face it head on. How do we handle these things?
I was recently in a situation where I had what I would call a minor confrontation. I was at a local eating establishment and I guess unsanitary practices in food preparation are especially bothersome to me. Anyway, I had asked for some mustard packets for my sandwich and the guy behind the counter went and grabbed a couple for me. On his way back he ended up dropping them on the floor. He then picked them back up and proceeded to wrap my sandwich in paper for me. So, I said to him, “Sir, please don’t pick something up off the floor and then touch my food.” Yeah, I called him sir. I don’t know why. I’m not sure if that makes him old or me old. Probably me, I guess. But he responded by asking if I wanted him to get me some more mustard packets. I said, “No, that’s OK. Don’t worry about it.” I got the feeling he wasn’t understanding the point I was making. Anyway, I’m not normally someone who is known to be a complainer. I don’t know what it was. Maybe I’m actually maturing. But, I think part of it was that I had just seen some other poor food-handling practices at other places and it had finally gotten to me. I felt like I just had to say something. I know this isn’t that big of a deal for most people. But for me it was.
Now, I know this is just a small example. We do run into these situations in life, though. It can be someone we need to confront at work because they’re not pulling their weight, a family member who offended you and the issue never got resolved, or maybe a friend who owes you money and it was never repaid. Any of these situations can be difficult to address.
So, what’s the proper course of action here? The first thing important to remember is this: just be tactful. If you address the offending party in a hostile manner, or in anticipation of hostility, it’s not likely to be received too well. So, don’t come out with your arms swinging. Find a cordial way to address the other person. Another thing to remember is that the other person probably has an explanation and sometimes even a legitimate one. So, be willing to listen and hear their side of the issue. Sometimes they might just admit they were wrong. Finally, I think it’s important to find some common ground. Find a way to reach a resolution. In most cases, if you’re being polite, they most likely will be willing to work with you to resolve the issue.
So, let’s say you do all this and they are still not in agreement with anything you say. Well, good question. I would say that, in that case, you would have to forgive them. I don’t mean for you to tell them it’s OK they wronged you. I just mean that you have to not hold it against them in your heart. “Forgive them?”, you say. “How am I supposed to do that”? Well, let’s talk about this some more.
There are a number of confrontation situations in the Bible. Of course, for the sake of brevity I will focus on just a couple here. I’m going to go from the minor to the severe.
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One situation that comes to mind is where Moses was confronted by his Father-in-Law, Jethro. This is what I would call a minor confrontation. This is a confrontation more in terms of providing wise counsel. In this instance, the Bible talks about how that the Israelites were bringing matters before Moses and that he would stand before them and judge them from morning until evening. Jethro sees this and says in Exodus 17:18, “…The thing thou doest is not good.” Jethro then proceeds to tell him he’s going to wear out if he keeps doing this. He then advises him to appoint devout men of God to decide the smaller matters and then Moses would decide the larger matters. Moses then proceeds to take his advice and the issue was resolved.
The following instance is much more severe. This is where Nathan, the prophet, confronts David over taking Uriah’s wife, Bathsheba, and the death of Uriah. But Nathan does it in a way so that David is forced to come face to face with his own sin. Nathan tells a story of a rich man and a poor man who live in the same city. The rich man had many flocks and herds. But the poor man has only one ewe lamb. And this lamb grew up with him and he fed it and it grew up with him and his children and was to him as a daughter. Then a traveler came to the rich man. And instead of the rich man taking from his own flock he took the poor man’s lamb and dressed it for the traveler. When David hears this story he is filled anger and says, “As the Lord liveth, the man that hath done this thing shall surely die. And he shall restore the lamb fourfold, because he did this thing and because he had no pity.” And Nathan says to David, “Thou art the man.” You see, Nathan used a rather unique way in order for David to see his own transgression. Sin always looks worse on someone else. David now sees clearly how he had sinned and he asks God’s forgiveness and repents. And God does forgive him.
So, what does all of this point to? Well, in the first part of my post I talked about forgiving the offending party. And we may, at times find it difficult to forgive that other person. You know the best way to come to terms with and forgive someone’s offense against you? The best and easiest way is to realize all that God has forgiven you. You’ll have a real difficult time holding bitterness and anger in your heart when you have a proper understanding of all that God has forgiven you. And it’s a powerful understanding. Just as God forgave David for all that he did, he has forgiven you. And that forgiveness is realized when we confess our sins to him. In 1 John 1:9 it says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
So, we can see that confrontation isn’t always just about confrontation. Sometimes it’s also about forgiveness.
1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Proverbs 27:5 “Open rebuke is better that secret love.”
Nice write up bro!
Thank you my friend!