Have you ever seen a baby, or toddler, arch their back in defiance while a parent tries to restrain them from having their fit of rebellion? Yeah, I would say that epitomizes the term ‘stubborn’. Children have the excuse of being immature and, for lack of a better term—I guess—childish. But what’s our excuse? As adults, we can easily display the same degree of insubordination. We just dress it up and display it in little nicer package.
Maybe that’s where we develop our passive aggressive tendencies—in adulthood. Rather than the outright temper tantrum of a two-year old, we take the more refined approach of letting our intentions and desires be known in more subtle ways. No one wants to show the maturity level of a toddler, but many of us are as intent on forcing our own will as that toddler. This is where our tactics take on a new dimension. We don’t arch our backs anymore. That’s so Pre-school. We are way beyond that. Now we imply, manipulate, suggest…..and cajole by whatever means necessary to bring our desires to pass. And sometimes it’s so stealthy that the recipient of this behavior doesn’t even know what’s going on. But our thinking is, “I have these wants and desires, and I will bring them to pass!” Not a difference in attitude, just a difference in tactics. In this way, we have no compelling reason to change our behavior…..or attitudes.
It makes you wonder: where did we ever get this notion that we should have everything we want? Certainly, unless our parents were of the type to grant us our every desire, we didn’t get if from them. It seems to be inherent from birth. We can all recall times, going back as early as we can remember, where we just wanted what we wanted. We didn’t care ‘why’. We didn’t care ‘how’. It’s just a laser-like focus on me. It’s that selfish nature rearing its ugly head. What comes across to others when we display this attitude is the importance we are placing on ‘me’. We naturally find it a distasteful attitude in others, but somehow excuse it when it comes to our own selves. When it comes right down to it, it’s an attitude of pride. It’s an attitude that says, “My will is the most important thing in the world, second to no one, or anything else.” But I would gather if we were granted a clearer picture of our self-focused attitudes, in the moment, we would be as disgusted by it as when we see it in others.
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This isn’t something unique to any individual, but is common to the human race. It’s kind of like an infection—it can easily spread unless it’s dealt with. It’s something we will all have to fight as long as we live in this life. Our selfish nature can rise up at any opportune time. But it’s not something we ever have to yield to. We can refuse to give it a place in our adult lives. We can keep it in that distant realm of childhood—in a time where we lacked the maturity and wisdom to know better. We can stubbornly refuse to be stubborn.