I have this book; it’s called Own the Room. Yeah, I haven’t read it, but I’m sure it’s pretty good. It’s essentially about how to ‘Discover your signature voice to master your leadership presence’. At least, that’s what the book jacket says. But anyway, my take on it is: identify and develop your own voice and a leadership presence among others—largely in a business environment. I’m not quite sure why I even bought it. I don’t give speeches. I’m not in leadership. Nor, in any foreseeable future, can I picture myself in a place where I would be in a business leadership position. I guess my main reason for purchasing the book was my feeling that I was lacking the ability to engage people in a social setting. I felt like I was lacking that commanding presence.
I guess I was wanting to know how I could become that person in a group where everyone was just hanging on your every word—the life of the party, so to speak. Humorous anecdotes—and all that. It seems I’m the opposite: I have to repeat myself in order for people to understand what I’m saying, and that’s if they even heard me say something the first time. You feel like you’re shouting to be heard. It’s a frustrating experience. You want people to listen and take you seriously, but you can’t understand why they don’t, which leads to a further lack of self-confidence. It just snowballs and your insecurity feeds on itself. You find yourself at a neighborhood get-together, in the corner, talking to the neighbor’s cat. At least the cat listens. Or he appeared to. He might have just been eyeing that table of seafood-themed hors d’oeuvres.
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But regardless, I feel like it would be great to have that ability to draw people in. Some people just naturally have this ability. A friend of mine is like that. He’s naturally inclined to make a snappy and lasting connection with people. Of course, he’s in sales, so it kind of goes with the territory. He’s learned to inquire about people and get them to open up about themselves. I guess I never learned that skill. Mostly, I would say, because I always found questions from other people annoying. I know they say, “If you want to get to know someone, ask them questions about themselves. People love to talk about themselves.” The first time I heard that, I thought, “They do? I hate talking about myself.” Most people would get two questions in with me and I would be thinking, “I don’t know! Stop pressuring me! Leave me alone!” So, I guess I could never quite relate. That universal truth never quite landed with me. I refrain from asking people questions for fear of annoying them, which, apparently, they don’t find annoying.
One thing I do know: making connections with people can be a learned skill. It’s not just some ability you’re naturally born with. You can foster an ability to connect with people if you just learn the skills. If only I could learn what those skills were. There has to be some place I could discover and learn the skills necessary for being a great communicator. If there were just some way I could leeaar…..oooh, wait. Now that I think about it, maybe I should dust off that book and read it.