I’ve had it happen before where I was thinking about something that had me worried, and then through the course of time I became distracted and forgot what I was worried about. The only indication remaining that I was worried was that foreboding feeling I still had hanging over me—kind of like the after-image or after-effect of something bad. I knew I was worried, so I ended up wondering, “Now, what was I worried about again?” Then reason kicks in and I’m thinking, “Well, don’t try to remember it, you big dummy. You just got out of it and now you want to get back into it again?” How dumb is that?
It’s kind of ridiculous when you think about it. If I can’t remember what I was worried about, then it must not be too important to begin with. I guess you don’t consider it much, but in some instances memory loss can be a good thing. Those things that want to plague our minds with doubt and fear just aren’t worth hanging on to. It’s something how our minds can convince us that our objects of worry are worth our time and effort spent in mental rumination. It’s the proverbial spinning of our wheels—nothing gets accomplished and energy only gets wasted. It’s movement without a purpose.
But this above reaction to a forgotten worry treats it as though it’s a legitimate enterprise. It’s like I was treating it as a job, or something. The thing is, I was probably distracted by something else that was actually legitimate and important. Then, a moment after finishing that I return to my anxiety-fest, as if to say, “Now, back to my worrying.”
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If you really think about the mechanics of worry, it’s not productive. You can try to rationalize it and say, “Well, I’m just trying to come up with a solution.” But in reality, that’s not really what you’re doing. We can still develop solutions for things without invoking worry into the equation. Most of the time, when you’re worried, you’re thinking about all the worst case scenarios and how they all play out in your head. You’re thinking about an endless string of ‘what-if’ scenarios and how it leads to your utter demise—a kind of ‘choose-your-own-adventure’ of apocalyptic destruction. Only, in this story you never like the way it ends.
I’m learning…maybe slowly…but I’m learning. I’m learning how to come up with solutions without worry. I’m learning how to shut down negative thoughts—ones that try to bring up things from the past—ones that try to create and pull problems out of the future—ones that I can just detect right away and I know won’t do me any good. The problem with worry is that it doesn’t assist you in your problem-solving ability; it actually hinders it. You know, they always tell you not to panic in emergency situations. There’s a reason for that. It’s because it paralyzes you with fear. It makes it difficult to think. Worry is like that door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesmen: it tries to convince you that you need it, when you don’t really need it at all.