We form emotional attachments easily; that’s understandable. We are emotional beings. And we don’t even limit our attachments to other people. Sometimes we become attached to things. We become attached to a car we’ve had for a long time, our favorite sports team, and even our favorite coffee mug. When it becomes another person, things usually get a bit more complicated. But, whether it’s a person or not, these are good case studies to find out why some attachments exist.
Some unhealthy attachments are pretty easy to identify. For instance, you can usually tell the guy who’s become emotionally attached to his favorite team. He doesn’t hesitate to make it to every home game, dress like a nutcase for the games, and even endure public humiliation on national TV. He doesn’t even think about it. He is invested. But why is he so invested in this? I would guess that if you were to ask him why this matters to such a degree you would be met by an immediate outburst—cut off—and quickly followed by a blank stare. This is where his brain goes ‘TILT—CANNOT COMPUTE’. The truth is that he doesn’t understand the implications of his emotional involvement in this disinterested third-party entity. All the members of this organization, most likely, don’t even know he exists. He has no financial stake in this team. For all practical purposes, he has no reason to care whether they win or lose.
When it comes to people, the reasons and emotional involvement get even more complex. Things can become so intertwined that you have great difficulty figuring out where things end and where they begin. Many types of co-dependency can exist under the surface and don’t come to light unless fully examined. What we easily mistake for love is sometimes an attempt to fill a void in ourselves. That’s not to say love doesn’t exist at all in the relationship, but it’s not the only entity at play. There’s an undercurrent—appearing to be love—that is actually at odds to any real love that exists. It’s these things that, unless dealt with, can work to tear apart relationships and any legitimate bonds between the two.
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It’s difficult to paint all situations with a broad brush. There are multiple factors involve in each situation. But there seem to be some common denominators in all cases. Those unhealthy emotional attachments all seem to involve validation from an outside source, instead of from within. In the case of a co-dependency, they are built on a mutual need instead of a mutual bond. It seems unhealthy emotional attachments develop when we look to that other person, or thing, to provide something for us that it can’t possibly provide. You have an innate understanding of an internal need, but you are filling it in the wrong way. It happens subtly, which is why it’s hard to identify. But, when examined, these unhealthy elements can be removed and dealt with so that only the healthy part remains. It’s like removing the weeds from the garden: it allows the good plants to prosper and grow.