Of all the powers we possess, restraint is probably the most underserved. At first glance—you mention restraint as a power—people think, “What kind of power is that? It’s just you exercising the right to do nothing.” True. However, sometimes the decision to do nothing is the hardest decision to make. To hold back when we’ve been legitimately wronged can be a more telling exhibition of power than anything else.
I’ve often wondered how some people can hold back in the face of the most egregious offenses. I have to admit, I don’t naturally possess the patience of an individual who just overlooks things and lets it go like water off a duck’s back; I tend to take things personally. But, to be fair, I don’t know how else to take things. Isn’t everything personal, when it comes right down to it? People often say things like, “It’s nothing personal, it’s just business.” I mean, does a person then go home to his wife and say, “Yeah, my main competitor didn’t come right out and say it, but basically said as much—that he would be taking all my customers away from me. But he did say that it wasn’t personal. So, that’s comforting. I won’t be able to provide for you and the kids anymore, but as long as it’s not personal—that should help me sleep better at night.”
I think the whole point is that these things are personal. That’s because emotions are always involved in virtually every situation. Of course, hurt feelings are inevitable. It’s going to happen where we don’t always like how we came out at the end of a deal. The most frustrating times are when the other party doesn’t seem to care. Considering the other person’s feelings, I would say, is a part of business ethics—a class, maybe, some entrepreneurs slept through in college. Believe it or not, a person doesn’t have to be cutthroat to be in business. You can be savvy without being sly, you can be shrewd without being sneaky, and you can be firm without being cold, or callous. It seems that some people, with all their training and head knowledge, forget that at the end of the day, they’re still dealing with people. Business is really about people when you think about it. If we don’t factor in the concerns of the other person, then what are we—robots?
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It’s times where we receive the greatest slights that can require the greatest amount of restraint. It would be the easiest thing in the world to just rip into somebody and let them have it. Besides not being the morally pure option, there are some other things to consider. For instance, you may need to deal with this other person again someday. Burning bridges means just that—you’ve burnt the relationship so bad that there’s no possibility for reconciliation. It’s also important to consider how blowing your stack will reflect on you as a person. It’s certainly not the way to garner respect. But I would guess that just the opposite is true. If people see you contain yourself in the midst of a proverbial slap in the face, they will take notice, and their respect is exactly what you’ll have—that’s the power of restraint.