Everyone has an ego; it’s just a matter of how much ego they have. I suppose the term ‘ego’ has gotten a bad rap because the mere mention of someone’s ego implies that it’s an outsized one. It’s usually spoken of in the pejorative sense. No one ever says, “Oh, they have a rather lovely ego.” No, it’s usually something like, “They have an ego the size of Montana.” But that’s not to say that having an ego is an altogether bad thing.
When you get down to what ego really is, it’s just the self-esteem or self-worth you place on yourself. I think we can all agree that we should have some. A healthy self-worth is an essential component of a healthy life, and a healthy person. However, there are discrepancies between perception and reality. We, sometimes, are the most blind to our own reality. Sometimes, maybe, other people think more than we do of ourselves; other times we might think more of ourselves than others do of us (curiously, this doesn’t necessarily make our own assessment wrong); and sometimes we think more of ourselves than we actually deserve. And it’s this last one where the discrepancy that matters reveals itself. To be fair, this can be hard to judge at times. And in judging our own abilities, we are certainly the least objective party. In promoting ourselves, we definitely have the heaviest investment and motivation in doing so. We tend to think, if I don’t promote me, then who else will? The question has a grain of truth to it, and it’s a compelling argument. But it also, conversely, begs another question: why should you have to? Which is to say, why should we have to promote ourselves?
It seems, in the area of our own value, the value is true regardless of perception. In the area of the free market, it seems perception is reality; something is worth what the purchaser who parts with their money believes it’s worth. But unless I’m in a job interview, I’m not generally trying to get anyone to purchase myself. Honestly, most of the time when I’m engaging in self-promotion, I’m trying to increase my own value at times when it doesn’t really matter. I’m promoting myself, not to increase my own value, but to inflate my own ego. And because I’m the least objective party, It seems the more I try to sell myself, the less compelling the case becomes. To invoke a bit of Shakespeare, “Thou dost protest too much.” Only here it’s not about protesting an accusation, but, rather, overselling a claim.
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It’s not that having an ego isn’t a good thing, but rather that too much of an ego isn’t a good thing. That’s why people talk about ‘keeping your ego in check’. And not that that totally gives you an accurate self-assessment, but at least it keeps you in the ballpark. At least it keeps your feet on the ground of reality and your place in this world. If you really know who you are, and are comfortable with who you are, you don’t have to engage in so much self-aggrandizing speech; You’re fully content with yourself, and you let the chips fall where they may.