I would say that one of the strengths I have is reading other people and how they’re feeling. But it could mostly be due to the fact that I’m a bit sensitive myself. Touchy people understand other touchy people, I guess. But I would also say that reading people’s emotions is more art than science. However, for anyone who feels they don’t have this skill, I also believe it can be developed. You can learn to read a person’s emotions a little better with a bit of effort. For husbands, I suppose, this could be an invaluable skill, and could prevent a lot of needless misunderstandings and hurt feelings. But no matter who you are, it can be worth your time to discern another’s emotions. Understanding their emotions gets to the heart of understanding them.
I don’t know why I tend to be so easily offended at some things (this is at the heart of my ability to read another’s feelings—it’s because I’ve probably felt that way before, myself.) I can quickly see in others what I’ve felt myself. It also makes me quick to recognize something that I might say could be taken the wrong way. A know that a turn of phrase, or an off-hand remark, might just be an innocent statement from my perspective, while seeming like a hurtful insult from their’s. This is where misunderstandings often happen, and where there’s a disconnect between what was meant and what was said. And that’s part of the problem with spoken words—they can’t really be revised in real time. I have an advantage in what I’m writing right now. I can edit and make needed revisions before any one else sees it. But not so in our day-to-day conversations.
But beyond the things we say, we’re communicating on many levels when we’re speaking with someone else. A study was done which indicated that something like 93 percent of our communication is non-verbal. I don’t know if it’s true, but that’s an astounding percentage. That means only 7 percent is verbal in nature. The rest is divided between 38 percent tone and 55 percent body language. So, if all you’re good at is hearing the words coming from the other person’s mouth, you’re missing a lot. For instance, someone can make what would normally be an affirmative statement and turn it into a negative just with their tone. A simple ‘Thanks a lot’ can come to mean just the exact opposite of what’s stated when used as a snarky retort. If you don’t hear the intonation, you’re going to entirely miss the message.
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But how do we become more adept readers of people. Well, I would say we become better at reading them by becoming better at listening to them. Don’t just listen for what they say, but listen for what they mean. Look for a broader architecture to their statements. What is the overall tone, what are they presenting with their body language, and what is their relationship to you—are they a stranger or a close friend (this can give you a broader context to the conversation)? But these things are like anything else—they come with practice. And in becoming adept at this, you can become a better friend, wife, husband, and even a better stranger on the street.
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