One thing I’ve learned through experience is that sometimes we’re trying to ascertain the right answer when we’ve failed to first ask the right question; So, it’s not actually a failure to come up with the right answer, but we weren’t asking the right question from the outset. Working so hard to find the answer to an important question in your life tends to lead a person to view the question as working against you. Questions appear to be the enemy when, actually, they can be your greatest friend.
I’ve been in conversations with a friend recently where he is in the midst of making some important decisions. I’m not able to outright tell him what he should do—as I don’t know for sure what he should do—or even tell him things he doesn’t already know, but one thing I can do is ask him some really well-placed questions. I’ve noticed that sometimes because we’re too emotionally invested, or afraid to ask the right question, that we tend to dance around the question we’re actually trying to answer. It’s this nervous tap dance we do that keeps us from arriving at the answers that elude us.
Friends can be valuable sounding boards in this area; they see the situation more objectively than we can. We tend to develop blind spots where our own circumstances are concerned. This isn’t intentional, of course. We don’t always consciously decide to ignore some realities. But the pain induced by some of them cause us to overlook or repress the truth. What we want to do doesn’t always align with what we’re willing to do. It’s here that we come to a crisis of faith (so to speak) in terms of the actions we’re willing to take. And we’re really only answering the question about what we want to do when we should be asking the question about what we’re willing to do.
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Life hands us some interesting forks in the road at times. How do we approach them? Well, wisdom dictates that we engage in a calm reflective manner to get a good read on the situation. We need to first know what we’re dealing with in order to know how to deal with it. The downside is that this might lead to a scarier answer, but the upside is that it will lead to a more accurate answer. In this way, we know that we’re facing the problem head-on and not side-stepping the issue.
The enlightenment achieved by employing this method can easily be underestimated. We don’t always know the answers we’ll come up with when we face the problem by employing the unvarnished truth. Failing to come up with the right answer can be frustrating. However, the solution is clear: If you find yourself continually coming up with the wrong answer, go back and see if you’re asking the right question.